No, I will not explain why your bridesmaids suddenly seem like some card illustration. So there.

As the bride to be, you aren't going to love EVERY second from the wedding planning process. And neither will your bridesmaids, who're along for that ride—but do not get the bonus of the big party within their honor at the conclusion. Here's what probably has your bridesmaids all buggy—plus, my strategies for keeping happy because they help you plan your happy day.

Your Bridesmaids Are B*tching About ... The Dress. It's too much time, way too short, too pink, too black, too bright, too drab—and too damn expensive. __To Keep the B*tching to a Minimum: __Part to be a bridesmaid is sucking up in the feeltimes dresses Dept.—you'll never look for a dress that pleases everyone if you don't let them pick their own—but play the role of considerate of the friends' physical structure. (An easy solution: Pick a designer, a color, along with a fabric, then allow them to pick the dress style.) Also, be considerate of the budgets. If you know a $150 dress is simply too much for any friend, don't offer to chip in (she'll never accept)—just hand her $75 and say, "I know situations are tight at this time, so put this toward your dress. I'm not taking no to have an answer."

Your Bridesmaids Are B*tching About ... The Moms. Your mom is bullying your MoH to invite her 30 sorority sisters towards the bridal shower, while your groom's mom is insisting the food be kosher, vegan, and gluten-free. Fun times! (Not.) __To Keep the B*tching to a Minimum: __ YOU don't want to cope with mom drama, so don't pass the mom baton for your bridesmaids. Let both moms realize that all wedding requests ought to be directed to you, and you will pass on the reasonable ones.

Your Bridesmaids Are B*tching About ... The Extracurricular Activities. Engagement drinks! Engagement party! Shower 1! Shower 2! Bridesmaids spa getaway! "Oh, and you're likely to help me assemble favors, right?!" __To Keep the B*tching to a Minimum: __Make sure your bridesmaids know the only MANDATORY event may be the wedding. Yes, you would like everyone there for the events prior to it, try not to pressure bridesmaids who're long-distance, pregnant, or else in over their eyeballs to become there for each dress fitting. Instead of commanding them to assist you to craft fabric buntings (or whatever doozie of the DIY project you've dreamed up) allow them to know you will be slaving on the sewing machine and you are happy to ply all of them with brunch and booze if they are willing and able to help. In short: Forget the "maids" a part of "bridesmaids"—and DON'T forgets by way of thanking them profusely for his or her help.

Your Bridesmaids Are B*tching About ... Each Other. Of course, you like your childhood friends nearly as much as your college friends as well as your post-college BFF—but the only real thing they've in common is the shared bridesmaid title. __To Keep the B*tching to a Minimum: __Don't force the friendship. It would be grand when they all got along, but odds are they're not likely to talk again after the wedding. (Until your child shower, anyway.) Instead, make everything more intimate by upholding your bridesmaids separate but equal. Chances are EVERYONE doesn't want to plan your shower, therefore if your sisters are actually into it, allow that to be their job. Then ask your two friends from overnight camp in the future dance dresses shopping along with you. If you ask just a few bridesmaids to sign up in each wedding activity (there are PLENTY for everyone), not one of them will suffer from wedding overload—and you will get more appeal time with all of them.

What would you btch about like a bridesmaid? And would you think your bridesmaids btched about the wedding?

I might have gotten a leeeeetle overzealous with my DIYing. May.